I've blogged before about dealing with a chronic illness while homeschooling. Last week was one of those weeks. I spent all of Monday morning at the clinic for my infusion and then decided to capitalize on having a babysitter at home with the boys to run an errand. It was a very beneficial visit to my favorite homeschool bookstore, but I really should have come home and gone to bed. Truthfully, it just wasn't a good week.
Some days I feel like I'm trying to walk in quicksand. Or that my arms and legs are weighed down with cinder blocks. The exhaustion has been nearly overwhelming. Despite an endless list of things to do, I feel like I'm glued to the couch. And really, I have no time for that. This is a busy month for Cub Scouts, with our two biggest events being held in February. I'm trying to get into a better groove of school for my boys and better time management to my day. Just as soon as I get a schedule figured out and we start finding our rhythm, I'm knocked over by my disorder.
If you want my real opinion on that, it sucks. If I was hearing this story from a friend, I would say to her to allow herself some grace, that the kids would be fine, that learning was taking place regardless. When I'm the person that needs to hear that, I don't believe a word of it. I love homeschooling. Like LOVE it. It's as much a part of me as any other aspect of parenting. I feel like I'm missing the fun in homeschooling because I get so concerned with how much work is getting done. When I feel so poorly, the work is being done, but not with the zeal that "Healthy Nicole" brings to the table. Now, I'm kind of just going through the motions.
I hate that. I want more for myself and more for the school day taking place at my house. I don't have energy for anymore. I want to be a Homeschool Supermom that you see all over the internet. I want to do more for preschool with Jaxon and more fun first grade stuff and cool, awesome fifth grade stuff--like building a model of The Alamo--a project that got sidelined due to my lack of energy. :(
Maybe this week will be better. I'm ready for this week to be better. Our Cub Scout Pinewood Derby is over, the planning for the Banquet is going really well. There's a long weekend waiting for us at the end of this week. But I think the biggest reason that this week might be better is because I'm going to allow myself some grace. Some weeks may not be so great, some may be awesome, but every week that we're together, learning at home, is a win.