Sunday, October 5, 2014

31 Days of Boy Stuff: Living with a Difficult Child

I've accepted a 31 Day Writing Challenge.  Here is my Day One post explaining the challenge a bit more, plus it will link you to every post for the month.

Sometimes I wonder if there's something more at play.  I mean, I've had two other four year old sons and neither of them ever behaved like Jaxon.  He's quick to anger and takes his aggression out on whomever or whatever is in closest proximity.  He throws whatever is nearby and if there isn't anything nearby, he seeks out something to hurl across the room.  Is he just spirited?  Is he just a little more difficult to handle than my older sons?

Being silly at the museum.

Truthfully, it's something I grapple with regularly.  Like everyday.  Physically, he's fine.  He has regular check-ups with our doctor.  He is in good health and at this time doesn't seem have a physical reason for his behavior.  So if it's not physical, is it me?  Is it something I'm doing or not doing correctly?

He's so goofy. :)

As the mother of three boys, I'm a very busy lady.  We homeschool and have since forever.  :)  We're an Army family--a circumstance that provides us with many ways to grow in our flexibility.  I work from home.  I volunteer with our Cub Scout Pack.  I battle an autoimmune disorder, sometimes I'm winning, sometimes I'm really, really not.  So is it me?

Seriously, there's like 10 of these photos. 

I've tried an assortment of behavior modification techniques.  I've cried.  I've yelled.  I've asked why.  

I think I know the answer.  There isn't one.  He's just Jaxon.  

He behaves very well for others.  His babysitters love him.  His preschool teacher at co-op enjoys him.  His "den leader" with the sibling program at Scouts just adores him.  My friends think he's a doll.  He has great manners when he knows they are required.  He's a smart kiddo.  He can be outrageously hilarious.  He is FIERCELY loyal to his brothers.  He may hit them every single time he is angry, but should they ever get disciplined, for ANYTHING, even if it's something they have done to him in retaliation, he vigorously defends them.

Sometimes, he falls asleep beside me when I'm writing.

So I don't get it.  Maybe I never will.  But even at the absolute worst moments, even when I really don't like him...I love him so tremendously.  I begged God for a child.  I wanted a third baby so very much that I pleaded with all of my being to carry another child.  In all honesty, I did specify that I wanted a daughter however, this is the child that God gave me.  This is the baby that completes our family.

Sometimes, I wake up to find him nearby.
And while I don't know why he's so difficult (really, I have a plethora of examples, but I'm embarrassed to list all the ways he proves to be so troublesome each day) I know that I asked God to bless me with another baby and He did.  I may not know why he does what he does or why he behaves in this manner, but he's my son.  I don't know for certainty that he doesn't have underlying emotional circumstances governing his actions, but it doesn't change my love for him.  

Standing by Grandpa and the crab he just caught in the ocean.
Jax is super nervous! :)

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