Monday, February 1, 2016

When Friendships Fade

I'm a woman that has always valued friends in a quality over quantity sort of way.  As a teenager and a young adult, I've found comfort in a few close friends as opposed to a large group of besties.  Sure, I enjoy getting together with the girls and having a good time with lovely acquaintances, but it's the few that I keep close that I enjoy the most.

North Carolina has been a difficult place for me as I try to create a military family here.  I've written before about having a "military family" and to me it means a group of people that I piece together at each duty station to be my new squad.  Maryland blessed me with amazing girlfriends and friendships in just a short time, whereas I've struggled since arriving in the south.

There have been close friendships that turned toxic and required separation and distance.  There have been friendships that bloomed and faded instantly, leaving me confused and uncertain.  There have been friendships that started off slowly and then became deep and heartfelt.  I've been in places where I'm reaching out and the effort isn't reciprocated and places where my friendship is no longer as important as it once was.  

And it's led me to realize that, for me, adult friendships are difficult.  Incredibly difficult.  They aren't effortless and easy like they seemed to be during childhood.  

"Do you like My Little Pony, too?  Awesome!  Let's be friends!"  

Now with a family, a home, home education, our extra-curricular activities, and so forth, friendships don't always take priority over everything else.  My family comes first and that means my friends just get what's left.  And it's taken its toll.  

Perhaps this year, I can try to refocus my time and energy into those friendships that seem to be fizzling, but in reality, my responsibilities at home and to my family aren't lessening any time soon.  In recognizing that maybe some friendships are finding their natural end, I've realized how important it is to me to have a few gals on which I can depend.  

My prayer is that I can cope with the changes inevitably heading my way and embrace the newness of that which I hope to find in place of those changes.  And above all, know that at the end of the day, there are still a few ladies who I'll count as lifelong friends, regardless of the distance that separates us.  For that, I'm incredibly grateful, even in my melancholia.  

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